Toilet humour

In the days when you couldn't count on a public facility to have indoor plumbing, an English woman was planning a trip to Germany.

She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for water closet. She wrote the schoolmaster inquiring into the location of the nearest WC.

The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house... a bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.

It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time!

I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed.

I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.

With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster

Solid stools at last

After the disastrous deliveries over the weekend, normal transmission resumed, with a little interruption yesterday.

Still a bit on the loose

Probably the remaining residue from yesterday. Hopefully this will clear it all.

Combo delivery

This morning's dump started off normally, but thereafter things went downhill. If you look closely, the normal piece was covered by a liquified patch on top.

Almost vertical

Today's dumps were almost standing like tree stumps.

They ain't heavy...

They were just partially hidden from view, so there was no telling how many pieces were delivered in total.

Two pieces

Today's output was doubled, but nothing to cheer about.

A single piece

Nothing spectacular today, probably as a result of lethargy.

Two dumps today

More weird shapes. Wouldn't say they were calligraphic - the second dump, in particular, looked like Auntie Anne's pretzels twisted out of shape.

Strange shapes

Was that an odd-looking Y or was it some kind of mathematical symbol?

Increased output

But not much of a calligraphy today as the bulk of the dump sank to the bottom.

Single stroke

Will this be the start of another calligraphic week?

Moderate output

After a break from abundance, this morning's dump was an example of moderation. And the delivery was smooth, yet controlled.

Another day of abundance

Although it didn't start off that way, today's output was quite significant for a holiday (it's Dragon Boat Festival and according to tradition, one was supposed to throw rice dumplings into the river in memory of Qu Yuan). Alas, I have no rice dumplings today. Will digested (or rather, rejected) ones count?

Here's the first of the two dumps:


The second dump was quite awesome:

Abundance

But not in the way I would have liked it, especially with a few subsequently dumps that were greater in volume and softer in consistency.

Limited output today

The stroke of shit didn't continue today. This morning's dump was quite limited and rather hard.

Nice stroke

It has been a while since something like this was delivered. Hope the stroke continues tomorrow.

Back to normal

Sausage-like dumps this morning. Modest output, but smooth delivery.

Soft like the stock market

Just when I thought things were recovering, this morning's dump went soft again, pretty much mirroring the weakness of the stock market.

I forgot

The toilet paper should have gone in after the shot. But at least the condition of the dump was much better than yesterday.

New quota

After a few days of stoppage, the flow returned this morning. And they were not mere drops in the ocean.

Used-up quota?

Ever since the diarrhea on Sunday, things have slowed to a drip. This was yesterday's delivery, which didn't amount to much. Today was worse, with a few isolated drops that weren't worth the effort to shoot. Has the quota for the week been used up?

Today is D(iarrhea)-Day

I lost count of the number of visits to the loo throughout the day, but this was the first dump that started it all.

Contrasting deliveries

The first one was a nice solid piece with a floating satellite in accompaniment.


But the second one, about an hour and a half later, was almost disastrous.

Snake or mushroom?

This morning's dump looked like a cross between a snake and a mushroom. Or maybe an oversized beansprout?

Shitting satellites

One heavy dose plus two floating pieces for this morning's dump.

Two dumps today

A rare event on a Sunday, just like the two ministers who were dumped from the current cabinet.

The first one resembled a hammer, just like someone who likes to meet people in a cul-de-sac.


The second comprised some floating pieces of shit, just like someone who didn't stick around for long because he was a seat-warmer.

It's a long, long shit

And delivered in one swift "motion", with no winding turn.

Shit, it's Friday the 13th

But nothing went wrong with this morning's dump, except that it looked like a combination of hard and soft stools. Not so for Blogger, which was down for maintenance.

Falling short of the quota

After the short spurts yesterday, this morning's dump fell short in terms of total output. Like a number of quotas that fell short today.

More output today

Couple of short spurts, if you wanna "put" it that way.

Single dose today

And it's long and straight unlike the winding road to the beach in the morning.

And it's normal shit again

After the break on Sunday, it was back to normal this morning with decent output in decent conditions.

Road to recovery

This morning's delivery was smooth and relatively odourless. Nice respite for the start of the weekend.

See, I told you so

This morning's dump didn't look spectacularly nasty. That's because you didn't get to smell it.

Not so awesome today

This morning's dump was a complete contrast to yesterday's. Not much was solid or visible and the smell seemed to indicate that something nasty was on its way, even though the day went by without further interruptions.

Awesome shit

It's been a while since something of such length and scale has been delivered.

Still on the soft side

Had diarrhea yesterday morning but didn't take any photos. It's supposed to be an urgent delivery, remember? This morning's dump was slightly better, but still a bit on the soft side.

It's been a while

I have been travelling so I didn't put in the effort to track the deliveries. In any case, these were few and far between due to the slightly irregular routines. The usual dump resumed this morning. Not spectacular, but at least something.

Stopped at one

After an extended run of two deliveries in a day, today's dump was finally limited to one session. And a single piece, to be exact.

Another two dumps todays

Even when the output of individual dump was quite substantial, the number of deliveries remained the same as previous days.

Yet another two dumps today

They say good things come in pairs, but would it be too much of a good thing if the pairs have been arriving on consective days?

Two dumps again

The first one, in the middle of the night, brought worries of a diarrhea. But nothing much happened until after breakfast, by which time the situation seemed to have reversed.

Two dumps today

One's like stringy pasta while the other was back to the calligraphic stroke.