Toilet humour

In the days when you couldn't count on a public facility to have indoor plumbing, an English woman was planning a trip to Germany.

She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for water closet. She wrote the schoolmaster inquiring into the location of the nearest WC.

The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house... a bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.

It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time!

I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed.

I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.

With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster

Solid stools at last

After the disastrous deliveries over the weekend, normal transmission resumed, with a little interruption yesterday.

Still a bit on the loose

Probably the remaining residue from yesterday. Hopefully this will clear it all.

Combo delivery

This morning's dump started off normally, but thereafter things went downhill. If you look closely, the normal piece was covered by a liquified patch on top.

Almost vertical

Today's dumps were almost standing like tree stumps.

They ain't heavy...

They were just partially hidden from view, so there was no telling how many pieces were delivered in total.

Two pieces

Today's output was doubled, but nothing to cheer about.

A single piece

Nothing spectacular today, probably as a result of lethargy.

Two dumps today

More weird shapes. Wouldn't say they were calligraphic - the second dump, in particular, looked like Auntie Anne's pretzels twisted out of shape.

Strange shapes

Was that an odd-looking Y or was it some kind of mathematical symbol?

Increased output

But not much of a calligraphy today as the bulk of the dump sank to the bottom.

Single stroke

Will this be the start of another calligraphic week?

Moderate output

After a break from abundance, this morning's dump was an example of moderation. And the delivery was smooth, yet controlled.

Another day of abundance

Although it didn't start off that way, today's output was quite significant for a holiday (it's Dragon Boat Festival and according to tradition, one was supposed to throw rice dumplings into the river in memory of Qu Yuan). Alas, I have no rice dumplings today. Will digested (or rather, rejected) ones count?

Here's the first of the two dumps:


The second dump was quite awesome:

Abundance

But not in the way I would have liked it, especially with a few subsequently dumps that were greater in volume and softer in consistency.

Limited output today

The stroke of shit didn't continue today. This morning's dump was quite limited and rather hard.

Nice stroke

It has been a while since something like this was delivered. Hope the stroke continues tomorrow.

Back to normal

Sausage-like dumps this morning. Modest output, but smooth delivery.

Soft like the stock market

Just when I thought things were recovering, this morning's dump went soft again, pretty much mirroring the weakness of the stock market.

I forgot

The toilet paper should have gone in after the shot. But at least the condition of the dump was much better than yesterday.